How should we teach a child with a strong and upright character?

 

Strong character requires flexibility

"People with strong principles are often overly stubborn, making it difficult for them to get along with others. They fail to recognize how their rigidity causes conflicts and hinders progress. Instead, they believe that being gentle is inherently servile. Therefore, while such people may be able to establish laws, it’s hard for them to collaborate on subtle matters," said Liu Shao, author of Renwu Zhi (Records of Personalities), expressing how the strength of a rigid personality can also become its flaw. Parents often praise their children for being determined and unyielding in doing what is right. Yet at the same time, they worry about the consequences of their child's uncompromising attitude. Children with such strong character traits require special guidance in their learning as well.

At the age of 10, he began learning how to read and write. Although he studied diligently, he found studying very difficult because he couldn’t retain the information for long, often forgetting what he had studied just hours before. His father, Kim Chi, left a will asking him to stop studying before he passed away. However, Kim Deuk-shin didn’t stop. Even while eating or walking, he never put down his books. Through incredible effort, he read one book over 113,000 times and other books over 20,000 times. Eventually, at the age of 59, he passed the state exam and was accepted into Sungkyunkwan.

Children who think they’ve failed if they’re not perfect

Students who are upright, principled, and stubborn often prioritize process and procedure in their learning methods. These students exhibit perfectionist tendencies and believe that success can only be achieved by following a set procedure. If they keep up with their lessons and follow the steps well, they tend to perform without major issues. However, if things don’t go as planned, they are prone to self-criticism. They may fall behind in their studies or fail to complete the material before an exam. When they deviate from their set plan, they might think they can’t improve their grades, falling into a downward spiral, eventually believing they lack the ability to study effectively.

 

Help them create their own study plan, then make slight adjustments

For students with strong opinions and a solid philosophy, it’s best to first let them create their own study plan. Then, review it with them, discussing whether it’s achievable. For example, some students may think they need to work on vocabulary, pronunciation, listening, reading comprehension, and grammar simultaneously to improve their English. This approach isn’t wrong, but it’s impractical to spend an entire day solely on English. In such cases, you should help your child focus by suggesting that they concentrate on listening if that’s their weak area. This way, the student can create a more focused listening plan. They can use the remaining time to study other subjects, and as this habit takes root, they will gain confidence in their own study methods and see better results.

Propose new study methods and motivate them

Imagine a student who performed in the top tier during middle school but drops to mid-lower tier after their first high school exam. Initially, the parents may attribute it to nervousness, but the grades don’t improve. The parents may suggest more tutoring, but the student is likely to stick to their old study methods, which worked well in the past. If parents tell their child that these methods are wrong, the child might feel that their past efforts were worthless. Instead, when the child’s study methods are problematic, parents should propose better solutions. While tutoring can be helpful, it’s not always the best option. Parents should listen to the child’s reflections on their performance in each test, ask how things could be done differently, and suggest a new approach. Of course, it’s not easy. Even when a new method is proposed, the student might quickly revert to their old habits. However, parents should refrain from scolding. Instead, they should encourage their child, explaining why they should stick to the new method and use the child’s strong character to persevere. Children with strong character traits rarely give up easily.

 

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